Posthumous Publishing, Part 19, Tablets

The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously

Part 19: Choosing the Right Tablet

It goes without saying, unmarked graves garner few readers. By far, stone tablets are the longest lasting and require very little maintenance, though new technologies must be considered. Video gravestones, while pricey, are an excellent choice for posthumous authors who have had their work made into movies. Displaying a continuous “trailer” is a sure-fire way to generate interest. Indeed, theater-like mausoleums are all the vogue at present. Coin operated displays can also be effective, though less so nowadays. Many newly-dead writers opt for the wireless solution: a simple but eminently readable screen embedded in your tombstone that allows for free previews and (paid) bluetooth downloads to nearby devices. Check your cemetery to see what’s right for you.

Posthumous Publishing, Part 18, Necropolis

The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously

Part 18: Necropolis Here I Come!

Ever dream of hobnobbing with the literary greats? Dickens, Tolstoy, Bradbury or Twain. Sadly, their remains are scattered across the globe. And while their spirits may haunt libraries in your local vicinity, there’s little chance of meaningful conversation, and certainly not passionate (loud) discourse. However, a membership to the Necropolis (at very additional little cost) solves this problem nicely. Centrally located in the afterlife, the Necropolis is like a five-star luxury hotel populated by posthumous authors of note. Visit any of the “Genre Suites” to converse with the famous long-dead greats. Keep in mind, authors tend to be a bit “clique-y,” and not always open to newcomers, but you’ll have an eternity to befriend them.

Posthumous Publishing, Part 17, Prestige

The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously

Part 17: World’s Most Prestigious Cemeteries

A list of the top ten graveyards is easily found on the internet, however, the criteria for the would-be posthumous author might not be “most scenic,” “most haunted,” nor “most populated.” Who lays beside you might be equally as important as who doesn’t. Celebrity-only cemeteries are hard to come by and most require an invitation or a lengthy questionnaire. An alternative idea is to create your own “mecca,” especially if you’ve spent any time on the best seller list. For obscure authors, another option presents itself: have yourself interred close to your agent, editor or publisher. Despite all this, the top destination remains Père Lachaise in Paris.  

Posthumous Publishing, Part 16, Formatting

The Pros and Cons of Posthumous Publishing

Part 16: Casket, Cremation, or PDF?

Formatting for the living can be nightmarish: Lost italics, indents gone bad, missing quotation marks, and a host of other punctuational difficulties, to name but a few. Rest assured, all this will plague you equally now that you’re an ex-author. In the midst of such frustration, a funeral pyre might seem to be your only option, manuscripts and all. It’s best to resist this temptation, especially if you consider book burning still has negative connotations. There are two remarkably simple solutions: 1. an extra casket that contains all your notable work; or, 2. download your opuses into handy PDF documents which can be re-formatted at a later date. It is, perhaps, the ultimate form of procrastination.

Posthumous Publishing, Part 15, Epitaph

The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously

Part 15: Twelve Catchy Epitaphs:

(authors anonymous)

NY Times Best Seller List 1989-1990

I write, I die, I publish

Your scathing 1-star review means nothing to me now

Reading is Eternal, Please plug in the battery charger below this message

By reading this tombstone you are violating 72 international copyright laws

Available on Amazon or Barnes & Noble

Not my best work, now only 99 cents

In life a plumber, in death an author

RIP, My latest obsolete techno-thriller

Finally get to meet Oscar Wilde in person, sort of

A Best Seller in 7 out of the 9 Circles of Hell

Heaven can wait, not done editing

Posthumous Publishing, Part 14, Other Markets

The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously

Part 14: Know Your Market, Zombies and the Reading Dead

Multi-syllabic words are a big turnoff for the Reading Dead. Small words are best, and using a larger typeface can be especially helpful for deceased readers. Plots about “brains,” though somewhat overused, remain a perennial favorite among this target audience. Dialogue tag lines with adverbs are an unnecessary literary device. For example, “Arrhhhhh,” he said dutifully, seems superfluous in all cases. 

Posthumous Publishing, Part 13, Signed, Sealed and Delivered

The Pros and Cons of Posthumous Publishing

Part 13: Writer’s Cramp and Pre-Autographed Editions

It’s always difficult to anticipate how many copies of our book might be sold. Of course, it’s much harder for the dead writer. Posthumous autographs can be a terrible bother. Obviously, autographed copies fetch a premium, especially after several hundred years. It’s a wise author who personalizes his greeting, and with a bit of care and planning it’s a less-difficult task than you might first imagine. A standard message works best: “To (blank), my biggest fan. Thanks for the memories…” It’s best to do just a small bit of autographing each day, before you die: 25-100 seems to be a good number for most. If you already have arthritis, autograph by proxy might be the solution for you. Rubber stamps are a low cost, time-saving option.